PC Culture and why (some of it) isn’t so bad.

We’ve all heard of PC Culture and if you haven’t it is used to describe language, policies, or measures that are intended to avoid offense or disadvantage to members of particular groups in society (Thanks Wikipedia!). The cultural movement or the “culture war” started in the mid to late 20th century it took its gotten more momentum in the past five years due to a younger and more excepting generation of peoples.

Now I understand there is some confusion about what PC actually is, unfortunately it has become morphed into this whole cry baby and hurt feelings stance when in actuality that isn’t the case. PC culture can help us to become better people, it can help us become more aware of the plight and injustice done to our fellow man and give us a reason to help fight that injustice. For example my very good friend Carmen, she’s a feminist, activist, academic, and all around wonderful person and shes helped me a great deal with understanding how the culture works and that’s not some movement for some thin skinned crybabies.

She has introduced me to a fellow activist, Alexis Wilson who has pulled me farther down the rabbit hole so to speak. She is a sexual advocate, feminist, fellow blogger, social media rock star, and just all around amazing woman. She has helped me have a better understanding of the black community and the struggle’s they face daily and a grasp on sexuality and how a person can and should be able to express themselves without being shamed.

PC culture isn’t a bad thing, but it can be seen that way to the untrained eye. I’ve taken it upon myself to make my own judgement’s on the culture and to learn as much as I can from the people in my life who have spent their whole lives living and perfecting it. I’ve come to see that a lot of people refuse to move out of their comfort zones. They refuse to take a step in the direction of their true selves for fear of being ridiculed, bullied, mocked or even attacked. Now think for a second, how great would it be if we lived in a society where we could be who we truly are and be with who we truly love without dehumanizing someone, just because they decide to have a different lifestyle choice then us.

Why is that wrong? Do I not deserve to be treated like a human being because of a medical condition I have? Am I not entitled to the same pay as the rest of my coworkers? Am I not allowed to be who I truly am if  I decided I am not comfortable with the gender I was born with? I’m not hurting anyone, I’m not forcing my way of life down your throat. You see how that sounds? It sounds insane that someone based off the color of their skin or their ability to walk can be judged and treated lesser than anyone else just because some people are uncomfortable with their way of life.

So you see PC culture isn’t as bad as some people would like us to think. All its asking is for us to accept and respect someone who lives their life just a little differently than yours. We all just want to be loved, respected, and accepted by our fellow man, but in a world filled with hate and bigotry it can be hard to see the value of a person and it can be hard for us to accept someone who is a little different, but if we just educate ourselves and make an effort to better ourselves and become more understanding then we might just get to live in a world without hate.

If you’d like to learn more about PC Culture and other great articles about liberation and celebrating freedom of the self go and follow Alexis Wilson’s blog Blaqtavist right here on WordPress!

Gay flag pinted on fist.

But First Coffee.

If you don’t already know, I am not a morning person. I never have been and quite possibly never will be. I can not physically function anytime before about 11AM and before you ask yes, I am and adult and yes, I do value my sleep more than a dragon values its virgins and gold.

  This is the most accurate depiction of what I am like if anyone attempts to speak to me before 11AM and without at least four cups of coffee.

I am by all account a night owl, I love waking up late and staying up late. I work in a hotel at the front desk and if you are unfamiliar with how the shifts work at a hotel, well I am here to tell you. We have three shifts AM, PM, and Night Audit. Now AM is usually 7:30 AM-3:30 PM, PM is 3:30 PM-11:30 PM that’s my shift and Night Audit is 11:30 PM-7:30AM.

I have gotten it to the point at my job that most of my coworkers and managers know better than to schedule me for a morning shift, but if this happens and it does from time to time they are usually to afraid to tell me. I have not reacted well to this before. See related gif below.

Okay, that’s a little much, but I think you get my point. I just can’t do mornings, its in my blood to sleep late, I was born at night after all. I’m sure if I tried harder I’d become a morning person, but my night owl personality say “Screw that” and I kind of agree. I hate feeling exhausted to the point I can’t keep my eyes open, or being able to fall asleep standing up like a horse.

I commend morning people! Good for you all that can get up at the butt crack of dawn and be a productive member of society. Look at you! You breakfast having overachiever! My husband is a morning person, he can get up at 9 AM, have a cup of coffee and go about his day. Me on the other hand, he’ll wake up and do his best not to wake me up because he fears waking me up to early and having to suffer through several hours of hearing me cursing out everything including the cat that gets between me and a cup of coffee.

Now that I’ve adequately dogged on mornings, let me tell you why I love being a night owl. My favorite thing about waking up late is I feel more rested and by the time I wake up most if not all of the people I hangout have been awake and alert for hours now. I also enjoy the fact that almost all stores are still open and usually aren’t as packed as they would be in the morning, like the grocery store or the pharmacy.

I could list a thousand reasons as to why I enjoy sleeping in, but I’ll save that for another day. For now I’ll be slowly morph into some semblance of a human being seeing as I’ve been awake since 6:45 AM and it’s just barely hit 10:00 AM. God save my soul.

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Three Blind Mice: How others can see our issues when we can’t.

Have you ever been looked back on a past relationship and noticed all the bad things about it that you never noticed when you were actually in it? Do you look back on it and thing Why did I ever stay? Why didn’t I see all the blaring signs that this was not okay?

Well the long and shot of it is, you chose not to see the flaws. When we’re in a relationship we have a tendency to see through rose-colors glasses, we tend not to see the issues in our own relationships because we’ve become immune to it. We don’t see any issues with it because we either are comfortable or in love with that person when in reality we loved the person they once were.

Now I’m not talking about just romantic relationships I am talking about all our relationships we have, like friendships, partnerships, ect. We can become blind to the hurtful and unjust ways someone can treat us. We accept the fact that this is just the way things are and we become complacent and comfortable after spending months if not years being treated like less than what we are and what we deserve.

This is where the hard part comes in. TRUTH. Remember when you got so upset at your friend, colleague, or family member when they told you something they found wrong in your relationship? Remember when you finally found out they were right? That’s what I mean when I said we look through life with rose-glasses. Others can see the hurt and pain someone else is causing us, but we can’t, we chose not to. Now I’m not saying take everything anyone say as truth, but just listen to what they have to say.

Don’t dismiss it and don’t get angry about it, most of the time someone is trying to tell you something that is hard to hear because they love and respect you. They want to see you at your best and they want nothing, but the best for you.

We can’t sit in ignorance forever, if we do that will just lead us to our own unhappiness. Don’t waste your wonder years on someone who is just down right no good for you. Spend that time with someone who is worthy of your love, respect, time, and companionship. Don’t waste another moment one someone who will never see or understand the value of your worth.

We all make mistakes and that’s okay, its apart of being human, we’ll never stop making them, but we do need to learn from them. So listen to a friend or someone you can trust and listen to what they have to say, they might just be seeing something you’re blind to.

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Tattoo’s and the stories our bodies can tell.

What’s the first thing you think of when you hear the word tattoo? Do you think biker? Gang? Unemployed? Well growing up that’s what I hear, that tattoo’s were reserved for “dirty people”. Now I understand tattoo’s haven’t always had the best rap, until recently so I don’t fault anyone for having those ideas placed in my head. I mean I am someone daughter for crying out loud. Of course my parents didn’t want to see their precious angel covered in tattoo’s, but as I got older I started to understand the meaning behind why people are so addicted to getting them.

I went under the needle for the first time when I was eighteen, young, dumb, and stupid. I went to a tattoo shop over the summer with a high school friend of mine and got a four-leaf clover tattooed on the left side of my pelvis. It didn’t have any meaning other than the fact that I am Irish and Scottish and it looked cool. That first tattoo cost me $100, which now I understand was way to much money to pay for something no bigger then a silver dollar, but it’s apart of me and I’ve grown to love it. My next tattoo wouldn’t be till five years later, I got a stitched heart in red and black with the words famiglia inside it. I got this tattoo with a friend of mine, I have since had that tattoo covered up, by a beautiful water colored owl.

The reason I had my tattoo covered up was due to a falling out with that friend and the owl was there to remind me to always be wise about  my decisions in life. My next tattoo was not one of happiness. It is a black rose with the number thirteen inside it. I received this the day I lost my first baby, Friday April 13th, 2018. I was devastated and I needed something to block out my pain. I needed something to remind me that my baby was real and was mine. It is by far my favorite tattoo I have.

You see, I am not a “dirty person”, I am not in a gang, and I am not a biker, I am married and employed. I own a home and I drive an SUV. I am defined more by my actions then my tattoos. My tattoo’s tell my story, my pain, my happiness and for many people this is a type of therapy. I’ve gone with people to get tattoo’s to remember a lost loved one and tattoo’s to help a rape survivor reclaim her body. Tattoo’s aren’t meant for bad people. they are there to help people express how they feel in a way that helps them grow. I look back on all my tattoo’s and remember the lesson’s I’ve learned. They can help someone close a chapter of their life and help them move on.

Tattoo’s can be painful and are permanent, not to mention expensive pieces of art. So trust me when I say getting a tattoo isn’t just a spur of the moment idea, It’s a life altering one. We save and wait months to get a tattoo, we research artists and go to consultations. We pay deposits, and buy all the things we need to help heal and protect our artwork. Not to mention researching the tattoo show to make sure they are licensed in the stated and they have passed their blood born pathogens tests.

We don’t go into this lightly and for many of us our tattoo artist is like our therapist. They see our happiness and our pain and they listen to us, they share an understanding. They work so hard to make us feel comfortable and safe.  We sit for hours with artists as they painstakingly get every detail and line perfect. This is our therapy, this is what helps us heal and move on so we can close that chapter of our lives and start a new one.

So if you’re not into tattoo’s I understand and I don’t judge you for that, but I hope instead of seeing a “dirty person” I hope you see the warrior behind it all. I hope you see the woman who’s lost her babies and still fights the good fight, or the veteran honoring his service to this country, or the rape survivor who bravely says to the face of her attackers “this is my body and I am taking back whats mine”.  My body is a temple and I’m just painting the walls.

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Selfish or Self-Preservation?

Sorry I haven’t posted in a while, with the holidays and personal life crisis’ I haven’t had much time to write, but I am back with some interesting questions. I have found over the past couple of months that there is a mutual relationship with being selfish and self-preservation. Now when we hear the word selfish we immediately associate that would with something bad like only caring for one’s self instead of the needs/wants of others. Well I’ve been thinking. Is that such a bad thing? Is it so bad to want to focus on your own need and wants over someone else’s?

I think not, They say on airplanes during the safety briefing “Please fasten your own mask before assisting others” meaning you can’t help anyone if you don’t help yourself first.  I think in order for us to grow as human beings we all have to be a little selfish, for example the mom who hides in the bathroom just so she doesn’t have to share the cupcake with her screaming kid on the other side of the bathroom door or the spouse who just wants to take a drive just so they can have some alone time with their thoughts. I think in order for us to keep our sanity and to survive we all must be a little selfish. We everyday are faced with making choices that could either benefit us or benefit someone else and in the midst of that we generally make the decision to make someone else happy instead of ourselves.

Why is that? Are we incapable of our own happiness? Are we so afraid of offending someone by declining a favor, or going out to dinner, or listening to someone’s problems for hours on end? Are we afraid of losing favor with someone if we don’t bend to their will? That to me is insane, how am I as a person, supposed to be a loving wife to my husband, a good employee to my job, and a caring friend if I can’t take care of my emotional needs first? It’s not possible for us to give every bit of ourselves to everyone else and be left with nothing in return. Now I’m not talking about doing someone a favor and getting nothing in return, I’m taking about having nothing left in our emotional arsenal to defend off our own attacks of self-worth and emotional distress.

If we have nothing left for ourselves how are we supposed to defend off attacks to our own personal well-being? We all have to be a little selfish for our own self-preservation. We all need that alone time to just gather our thoughts, we need that emotional down time to scream, kick and curse just to let out that steam of pent-up frustration. We need to all be a little selfish, so we can continue to be the best wife, friend, partner, mother we can be. Some people might not understand it and some might not agree with it, but it’s something we need. So don’t feel bad if you need a break from your kids or your wife and don’t feel bad if you choose to ignore that phone call from your friend. You can’t help anyone if you can’t help yourself first.

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In the blink of an eye.

Ever have one of those months where one moment its the beginning of a new month then in the blink of an eye it’s over and a new month has begun?

That’s been happening to me lately, I’ll wake up, go about my day and then next thing I know one month has flown by. Where did the time go? I’ve begun to notice as I get older the faster the time fly’s. Days start to blur together, and we barely notice.

It’s hard to grasp onto fleeting moments and we have a tendency to take those days for granted. For instance my wedding day, all the months of planning and freaking out. All were gone in an instant, don’t get me wrong I enjoyed every minute of it, but I didn’t expect it to fly by without so much as a kiss goodbye.

It got me thinking that every day is special, whether I’m going to work or just wasting a day off by laying in bed all day. Everyday has something new and exciting. I want to look at each day and take it for something new and not just another day.

We get so wrapped up in work and home life that we forget how beautiful a sunset is or how fresh-cut grass smells, or the sound of absolute silence after fresh snowfall. All these things we take for granted and we miss it because we don’t take the time to admire and take in the world around us.

So next time you find yourself racing, take a moment before you leave work or when you’re drinking your morning coffee and just look around. Notice how the leaves have changed, notice how the amazing your coffee smells. Just take one moment and focus on it. Because next thing you’ll know it’ll be a new day, new month, hell a new year and by the time you notice what happened all those fleeting moments become distant memories.

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After Every Storm There’s Always A Rainbow.

Everyone knows the saying, but few know what it means. For those struggling with infertility or those going through the loss of  a child/pregnancy this is so much more than just a saying; it’s a beacon of hope in an otherwise dark and barren place. It means that one day, after all the struggles and sadness you will one day have your baby, your rainbow baby.

For me personally this saying has brought me back countless times from the brink of hopelessness. On April 13th 2018 I lost our baby, I was only 5 weeks along, but I still loved my baby just the same. I never expected to have a miscarriage, I expected to continue for the next 9 months and at the end have a happy and healthy baby. My dreams of that were shattered and for the months following it only became worse.

Every pregnancy test was negative and at every turn someone I knew was announcing their pregnancy. I wanted to be happy for them, but all my heart could feel was pain and jealousy. I needed to break this habit of hopelessness and being angry at God for taking my baby away from me. So I decided that I will go in to each month with hope and that one day God will bless me with a child of my own.

So next time I see those two little pink lines, I will not take it for granted. I will love my little bean with everything I’ve got. I will not stress or doubt. Finally I will not expect that pregnancy to end in failure and sadness. I will get my rainbow baby. I will weather this storm and come out with my rainbow.

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