In the blink of an eye.

Ever have one of those months where one moment its the beginning of a new month then in the blink of an eye it’s over and a new month has begun?

That’s been happening to me lately, I’ll wake up, go about my day and then next thing I know one month has flown by. Where did the time go? I’ve begun to notice as I get older the faster the time fly’s. Days start to blur together, and we barely notice.

It’s hard to grasp onto fleeting moments and we have a tendency to take those days for granted. For instance my wedding day, all the months of planning and freaking out. All were gone in an instant, don’t get me wrong I enjoyed every minute of it, but I didn’t expect it to fly by without so much as a kiss goodbye.

It got me thinking that every day is special, whether I’m going to work or just wasting a day off by laying in bed all day. Everyday has something new and exciting. I want to look at each day and take it for something new and not just another day.

We get so wrapped up in work and home life that we forget how beautiful a sunset is or how fresh-cut grass smells, or the sound of absolute silence after fresh snowfall. All these things we take for granted and we miss it because we don’t take the time to admire and take in the world around us.

So next time you find yourself racing, take a moment before you leave work or when you’re drinking your morning coffee and just look around. Notice how the leaves have changed, notice how the amazing your coffee smells. Just take one moment and focus on it. Because next thing you’ll know it’ll be a new day, new month, hell a new year and by the time you notice what happened all those fleeting moments become distant memories.

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After Every Storm There’s Always A Rainbow.

Everyone knows the saying, but few know what it means. For those struggling with infertility or those going through the loss of  a child/pregnancy this is so much more than just a saying; it’s a beacon of hope in an otherwise dark and barren place. It means that one day, after all the struggles and sadness you will one day have your baby, your rainbow baby.

For me personally this saying has brought me back countless times from the brink of hopelessness. On April 13th 2018 I lost our baby, I was only 5 weeks along, but I still loved my baby just the same. I never expected to have a miscarriage, I expected to continue for the next 9 months and at the end have a happy and healthy baby. My dreams of that were shattered and for the months following it only became worse.

Every pregnancy test was negative and at every turn someone I knew was announcing their pregnancy. I wanted to be happy for them, but all my heart could feel was pain and jealousy. I needed to break this habit of hopelessness and being angry at God for taking my baby away from me. So I decided that I will go in to each month with hope and that one day God will bless me with a child of my own.

So next time I see those two little pink lines, I will not take it for granted. I will love my little bean with everything I’ve got. I will not stress or doubt. Finally I will not expect that pregnancy to end in failure and sadness. I will get my rainbow baby. I will weather this storm and come out with my rainbow.

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The other side of Death

Everyone has lost a loved one at some point in their life and the grief we experience is different for everyone. When my father was sick I knew I might not have much longer left to spend with him so I made the best of the time I was given, When my dad finally passed it wasn’t that it was unexpected, but he was getting better  and it looked like we might get a little more time until he had a heart attack.

I was devastated, but I knew I had to take on a much bigger role now for my family. My mom needed some kind of support and help after losing her partner of almost 25 years.  I never cried at the funeral, I never allowed myself to feel anything because there were other things that needed my attention and undivided focus.

Years later I finally grieved for my dad, I wasn’t some stone cold, unfeeling person. I loved my dad very much, but we all grieve differently. Some choose to celebrate a person’s life and make it a fun occasion, where others can’t help, but feel that a hole has been ripped in the fabric of their lives. Both ways are a great way to remember a loved one. I now have learned I feel much closer to my dad and his memory if I keep the memories I have of him alive. I’ll tell stories of him and that prompts my friends to share stories they have of my dad.

Death is hard on everyone, sometimes all we can remember are all the missed opportunities we should have had with a loved one, like how my father never got to see me get married or walk me down the aisle and he’ll never get to see his grandchildren, Hell he was never able to meet my husband. There will always be things that I’ll never get to experience with my father, but I am so grateful for all the memories I do have.

Those memories will always live on and will always be bitter-sweet, but that’s how i grieve.  Don’t be hard on yourself if you choose to block out the memories, because they sometimes hurt too much. It doesn’t mean you didn’t love them it just means you need time to heal. So take all the time you need and grieve in your own way. Don’t ever let anyone tell you how to express your feeling or to tell you that what your feeling is wrong. Many people feel anger and hate when a loved one is gone, but that will pass with time. Everyone is different and all we can do as friends and family is to respect that.

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Change In Command

Let me start this post off by saying, I’ve been here for a little over a year and we’ve changed our General Manager three times since then. First was an awful woman who we’ll call Karen, for the sake of privacy I’ll be changing the names of everyone involved. Second was Kevin, he literally pulled our sinking hotel out of the ashes and made us new and better, and now we have Jake he seems nice enough, but also seems like he has no clue how to run a hotel let alone work in this business. I guess only time will tell if he’s got what it takes to stay in the business.

For those of you who have never worked in a hotel before it can be a fun job, but it is also a personal Hell for many, myself included. Don’t get me wrong I love the people I work with and I enjoy my job, but you really have to have a thick skin to work in the hospitality industry. I can’t count the amount of times I’ve been yelled at, had things thrown at me, been called names, and had my ass handed to me. I never have once cried about it thank God, but I know many that have.

Working at the front desk, you are in the line of fire so to speak especially since every guest coming in thinks you are personally responsible for every little thing that goes wrong. For example our check in time isn’t until 4 PM and our check out time isn’t till 11 AM. So if a guest doesn’t check out till 11 AM housekeeping probably won’t get around to that room until 12 PM or 1 PM which means the room wont be done till about 2 PM or 3 PM. We at the desk have no control over this, yet when a guest walks in at 12 PM and expects their room to be ready its just not possible.

Yet still it is all our fault, like I’m really just standing here lying to you about your room not being ready, because it brings joy to my heart. No, I literally don’t need an irate guest in my lobby having a temper tantrum worse than any toddler I’ve seen, all because they didn’t get what they wanted right then and there. If you are nice to us we’re more then willing to help you like by moving you to a room that’s ready or Hell we’ll even give you an upgrade for free! All you have to do is be nice to us and treat us like oh I dont know HUMAN BEINGS!

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“Fuck It” List

Have you ever had one of those days where your head just wants to explode? I’ve had a few. My head likes to do this awesome thing where it takes every stressing trigger and throw it in a closet. Kinda like when you were a kid and your parents told you to clean your room and you interpreted that as “stuff all my crap in the closet and not actually clean anything.”. Yeah that’s what my brain does so when the closet gets to full and explodes open I literally feel like I’m drowning

. Thankfully I’ve found a way to combat this “hot garbage” as I like to call it.

My “Fuck It List”. I basically write down everything that stresses me out especially the things I can’t control and I put it on the list and say Fuck It! It helps me to de-clutter my mind and focus on what I can change and improve, like for instance I can’t stress over something that happened in the past so it goes on the list and when there is something on the list I can change I set out to try to fix it. There’s no time stamp on when it needs to get done, just as long as I work toward fixing

the issue.

Once the issue is fixed I can check it off and move on to the other things on the list. I suggest everyone try this from time to time. You can’t go around all day carrying stress in your head and expect not to have your head explode at some point. When your head explodes you usually take that stress out on some poor unsuspecting victim who just happened to be within range of your unfocused anger.

It’ll also help you with your anxiety a little bit, Now I’m not saying I found a cure-all for anxiety I’m just saying what helps me, but relieving yourself of stressful issues will help you reduce your anxiety. I know writing down things has helped me get past a few anxiety attacks I’ve had, but everyone is different and we shouldn’t expect something that works for us to work for another.

Everyone has their own way of coping with life’s stresses and to each their own. Just never forget that you’re not alone in this battle and there is always a guiding hand just waiting for you to talk hold.

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Hey idiot!

So I am an idiot and I’m going to explain why with a little back story. So every Tuesday my husband and I go over to my mother-in-law’s house for dinner and to watch the show This Is Us. Well these past two weeks I haven’t been able to go to Tuesday night dinners because of work. I work at hotel at the desk so I normally work till 11:30 PM most nights except Tuesdays where I get done at 5 PM.

Anyways tomorrow is dinner at Donna’s (mother in law) and I needed to catch up on the two episodes I missed so my dumb ass decided “Hey its slow at work! Just watch the episodes now!” So I proceeded to open my Hulu app and start my binge watching…… I am an idiot. This God damn show made me cry! WHILE AT WORK! This is not okay! At work I can’t let these people smell weakness, 99% of the time the people who stay here are awesome, but that 10% oh man are they out for blood, mainly my blood. I can not let them see my weak ass crying because Jack is crying in the show. THIS IS UNACCEPTABLE!

If you haven’t watched the show, its amazing, you’ll laugh and you’ll cry, mostly cry, but its all worth it. I look forward every Tuesday going over to Donna’s house and having dinner and watching TV. It’s become sort of tradition so to speak. I get home and change and I grab Daisy and we head over to the house; Daisy gets to play with Larry Donna’s beagle mix and we get to eat a home cooked meal which is few and far between when you work a night shift. That’s what I miss the most, is gathering around the table and talking about our day and enjoying some great food with the people you love.

With Christmas coming up I’m excited the most for Christmas morning and no it’s not for the presents. It’s for the Christmas morning breakfast Donna makes we all get together and open presents then we gather around the table and open these party poppers she gets. You pop them all confetti come flying out and inside each there is a special message. We then dig into Donna’s breakfast lasagna and have a cup of coffee to wash it all down.

I haven’t had a Christmas day breakfast since my dad passed in 2014. He would always make this amazing breakfast platter and we would eat and then watch Olive the other Reindeer. It was the best Christmas I’ve ever had and since his passing we never did it again, until I met Nick and his family. It really makes you appreciate the small things you take for granted when you’re young. You’re never to old to spend time with the people you love.

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