Everyone has lost a loved one at some point in their life and the grief we experience is different for everyone. When my father was sick I knew I might not have much longer left to spend with him so I made the best of the time I was given, When my dad finally passed it wasn’t that it was unexpected, but he was getting better and it looked like we might get a little more time until he had a heart attack.
I was devastated, but I knew I had to take on a much bigger role now for my family. My mom needed some kind of support and help after losing her partner of almost 25 years. I never cried at the funeral, I never allowed myself to feel anything because there were other things that needed my attention and undivided focus.
Years later I finally grieved for my dad, I wasn’t some stone cold, unfeeling person. I loved my dad very much, but we all grieve differently. Some choose to celebrate a person’s life and make it a fun occasion, where others can’t help, but feel that a hole has been ripped in the fabric of their lives. Both ways are a great way to remember a loved one. I now have learned I feel much closer to my dad and his memory if I keep the memories I have of him alive. I’ll tell stories of him and that prompts my friends to share stories they have of my dad.
Death is hard on everyone, sometimes all we can remember are all the missed opportunities we should have had with a loved one, like how my father never got to see me get married or walk me down the aisle and he’ll never get to see his grandchildren, Hell he was never able to meet my husband. There will always be things that I’ll never get to experience with my father, but I am so grateful for all the memories I do have.
Those memories will always live on and will always be bitter-sweet, but that’s how i grieve. Don’t be hard on yourself if you choose to block out the memories, because they sometimes hurt too much. It doesn’t mean you didn’t love them it just means you need time to heal. So take all the time you need and grieve in your own way. Don’t ever let anyone tell you how to express your feeling or to tell you that what your feeling is wrong. Many people feel anger and hate when a loved one is gone, but that will pass with time. Everyone is different and all we can do as friends and family is to respect that.
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